This reflection was written by Carl, the partner of someone with ADHD. In his own words, he shares the chaos, love, and everyday realities of living alongside ADHD and other disabilities.

Living with my partner, who has ADHD, is a constant mix of motion, energy, and creativity. She can jump from one idea to the next in seconds, sparking thoughts most people would never even consider. At any given moment, she might have three, four, sometimes ten projects, plans, or dreams on the go. Her mind races ahead, and mine can’t always keep up. More often than not, I’m the one grounding those ideas, helping her turn sparks into something real.

But it isn’t always simple. I carry my own responsibilities, so when her energy surges forward, I can feel pulled in different directions. Sometimes I’m excited by her vision. Sometimes I’m inspired by her creativity. And sometimes I’m just overwhelmed, trying to juggle her world and mine at the same time.

She can tell you about a hundred things at once, and, being a man, or maybe just being human, I can’t possibly remember them all. She’ll forget what she’s doing mid-task, drifting into another thought before finishing the first. She’ll make us laugh with the little things, like putting her glasses in the fridge and then wondering where they’ve gone. And then there are the interruptions, she often jumps in before I’ve finished speaking. Not because she’s rude, but because if she doesn’t say it right then, the thought will vanish. Her mind is quick, overflowing, unstoppable.

And yet, alongside the chaos, there’s so much care. She has a fierce ability to look after the people she loves, to find solutions when problems feel impossible, and to summon motivation that carries us both through difficult times. Those are the moments when I see the beauty in her ADHD, not just the challenges, but the gifts it brings into our relationship.

The flipside is that she often pushes herself too hard. Her drive means she burns out, sometimes ending up bed-bound, exhausted from giving everything she has. And when that happens, it doesn’t just leave her tired, it worsens her other disabilities. Stress and exhaustion amplify her physical and mental health conditions, making recovery slower and the toll heavier. ADHD isn’t a separate part of her life; it touches everything, often in ways outsiders can’t see.

Still, her love stretches wide. We share our home with two big dogs and two children, and she dreams of more—more animals to rescue, more people to help, more ways to make the world better. Her heart is vast, and her ADHD feeds that constant drive to give, to search, to create change. Sometimes that means more chaos, more responsibility, more strain. But it also means more love, more joy, more life than I ever imagined.

Here’s the truth: I don’t love her in spite of all this. I love her with all of this. This is how her brain works, how her body responds, how her world moves. Acceptance is the only way forward. It doesn’t mean it’s always easy, but it does mean I see her fully for who she is, not who I might expect her to be.

What I’d Say to Anyone Loving Someone with ADHD (and Disabilities)

• Accept, don’t resist. ADHD isn’t a flaw to fix; it’s part of who they are. Love gets easier when you stop fighting it.
• Celebrate the gifts. Hold on to the creativity, compassion, and energy they’ll carry you through the hard days.
• Expect the cycle. Highs often lead to crashes. When burnout hits, patience and care go further than frustration.
• Protect your own energy. Support them, but don’t lose yourself in the process. You matter, too.
• Talk with kindness. Gentle reminders and honest conversations beat criticism every time.
• Love all of them. It’s not “I love you despite your ADHD.” It’s “I love you, all of you.”

Loving someone with ADHD and other disabilities isn’t about chasing perfection or control. It’s about building a life that makes room for difference, for chaos, for beauty. It’s about choosing each other, every day, even when life feels heavy. And it’s about recognising that extraordinary love often comes wrapped in extraordinary challenges.

That’s the kind of love we share, imperfect, unpredictable, but real.

Carl  (Partner to Jodie, living with ADHD and other disabilities)